On Unemployment, Bathrobes and the Genius of Mr. Mom

Took a shower today...

Okay I know that for most of you, this is hardly earth-shaking, something that most of you perform once or in some cases, multiple times daily.

I used to be that way, until unemployment...

Lately, I've been rationalizing that 1.why do I need the bother of a shower when I'm not going anywhere 2. on the really bad days whether or not a bum such as myself deserves the consolation of hot water and fragrant soap.

Then today I got a 'whiff of myself. Heretofore, I believed that my natural scent was an amalgam of daisies, freesias, chamomile, and bergamot with a slight undertone of chocolate almond. It makes sense, being that these are all my favorite flavors and 'tastes'.

It's not.
It's, well...let's just say, it's not...good.

After finally ditching my paint spattered 'lounging trousers'  decrepit t-shirt and my ever-faithful Liz Claiborne, 'Spa' Robe, I had that moment when you are pulling your shirt over your head and are trapped for seconds in your own personal, shall we say...air...
And all of the sudden, it occurred to me why the cats weren't killing themselves to come over and jump in my lap anymore...where the bad scent I assumed was coming from some grapefruit that had passed their sell by date some weeks ago originated.

It's hard being unemployed...you can try to put whatever positive spin you want on it, it's hard...

It all starts out novel and new and you tell yourself this is just temporary. Then the reality sinks in and it's like the moment in Mr. Mom when Michael Keaton's character Jack Butler has grown corpulent, stopped shaving and is addicted to the Young and the Restless. In my case, it's the bathrobe, scummy t-shirt and binge watching 'Melissa and Joey' on Netflix.

I hit an all-time low the other day, reading that the ABC Family Channel had cancelled the show, I teared up and fired off an angry email to the network.

I've read all of the support literature, countless '9 Tips for Surviving Unemployment'. I know that I'm supposed to be staying positive, not taking all the rejection personally, finding something or someone to invest in. I've read the how-to books, I've revised my resume about 19 times.

I've deleted my Facebook presence so I won't obsess about others' being happy and getting promotions, etc. I've thrown everything into my LinkedIn profile and now obsess about how many times my profile has been viewed.

I guess part of me is still bewildered...the part of me that thinks I never chose unemployment and I didn't quit...so what I am I doing here in my bathrobe?

I guess some days taking a shower and raising my glass to Jack Butler are the best I can do ,
"Yeah. 220, 221 whatever it takes..."
"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great...and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious."

Here's to ditching woobies and bathrobes and doing whatever it takes...