Progeny Challenged

Sometimes in life, it's better to take the easy way out.


I can't tell one of my family members something hard to say, so I thought I'd explain it away in my blog. Here in this world, I am safe, no stammering, no searching for words, a place where I can't hear the judgement in their voice on the other end of the phone.


This whole thing started pretty innocently, a random cell phone call. Even though, I was at work, I picked up the phone. I was issued an invitation. An invitation to a child's birthday party. Truth be told, it was a bit of a second-hand invite, but an invite it was nevertheless.


And before I could stop them, the words were out of my mouth, "Thanks, but I'd rather be hung from the neck than attend a kid birthday party". Even as I write them, inside I'm cringing. Why do I have to be so curt, so unfeeling, so macabre? Gallows-humor and a child's birthday party make strange bedfellows. Surely, I could have found a more graceful way of saying it.


Here's the thing... the statement isn't true. 
No, not the whole being hung thing and equating that with attending a birthday party which goes without saying...


It isn't true because in some ways I want nothing more than to be there, being on of 'those people', the 'normal' ones all pumped up about gorging on cake and playing in bounce houses. Cooing about the birthday(ee)," look how cute he/she is.. my how they've grown..!"


But things like that died along time ago in my world. I avoid children, purporting to be a misopedist of sorts. I avoid anything that reminds me of my own perceived failure, my pain.


For in my mind, a failure I am. In society's eyes I am. Do you know how many articles there are about the 'selfishness' of couples and of women in particular, who don't have children?


I do.


In a rare moment of 'sharing' at work when I attempted to explain the hollowness of life without children, I was lectured for being inherently selfish and counseled to consider artificial insemination or adoption. When I objected on the grounds that I didn't feel up to raising a child on my own as a single woman, that I would prefer to be married, I was curtly advised that fact alone served as proof of my 'selfishness'.


Despite being a devout believer, I avoid churches. You see churches are chock full of happy mommies and daddies. More pain= more failure. When you go to church as a single, you are immediately slotted as such 'A Single' (it's a miracle they don't print that on your visitor badge or make you wear an identifying button). Labeled as such, you are encouraged to go to 'Singles' events in the hope that you can meet a compatible 'Single'. Then in the fullness of time, dating, etc. you can upgrade to the 'Engaged Couples' class, where upon marriage you ratchet up to the 'New Marrieds' class and then eventually migrate into the general congregation of happy families who queue up to pick up their kids in Sunday School. I often wonder what churches make of a malcontent like the Apostle Paul, who advised against marrying unless you 'burned', rationalizing that being free from the duties of marriage and children left you with more time for communion and fellowship with God.


I'd almost suggest that someone somewhere come up with a church denomination that caters to singles...I can almost see the book, the T-shirt, the new phenomenon being touted on late night infomercials, forget Jabez' prayer, or the Purpose-driven life, now it's SCC's (single Christian churches). Of course, the next thing you know, the ACLU would be down all over it, calling it discrimination against the happy families. I am picturing the Fox News coverage, the debates, the infighting, O'Reilly weighing in. Jimmy Fallon mocking it on Late Night TV...ugh...


So, in the end, that's why I can't go to the birthday party. I can't stand the failure, the lack of spouse, the lack of progeny. It's why I hug the cats extra tight, run to the vet every time they sneeze twice, why I hate Valentine's Day, why I have nothing to post on Facebook, and it's why I am going to stop explaining.


I hope that now you understand.